As my Aunt Maria said as I started all of this...it's 6 months of shit but then it's over...cancer cured. LOVE using that word CURED! So basically the S is starting hit a bit harder these days. Not just related to recovery time, which was a bit harder after 8, but also it's very draining on the emotions too. I stay as positive and as happy as I can, not only for myself but for you guys too! I don't want you to worry about me. You have all already been so great and your support is just the world to me. I truly couldn't do this without you...the cards, the hugs, the words of encouragement and admiration. I know people (especially mom's, dad's and Brandon's) wish there was a way they could take away the cancer, the pain, and go through this for me. But things being what they are, I've got to be the one run over by the chemo bus on a bi-weekly basis. But ugh, I can't imagine what going through this would have been like 10 or 20 years ago (side effects were much worse, but they have tweaked the formula and added anti nausea meds that help a lot). Blech. So anyway, what I am really trying to say right now is as always...thank you. Thank you in a thousand ways and a thousand times.
But at the beginning of it, I wanted this blog to hopefully help someone else who is going through this. So, this nitty gritty reality...this is for you...fellow future survivor.
OMG, does it SUCK. When I walk into the 2nd floor of the AGH Cancer Center, my stomach lurches. I have become very sensitive to smells, and those that I associate with anything chemo pretty much make me want to hurl. There is a small cafe in the Cancer Center and it fills up the lobby, and the rest of the floors too, with this stale greasy smell. For the past couple chemo treatments, I have held my nose from the entrance until I get up the elevators to the 5th floor, where the smell has dissipated enough it doesn't bother me so much. But the smell of the lobby, the smell of the treatment room, and this scent of one of the nurses...it's all too much now. This past treatment, number 8, afterwards I had a follow up PET scan completed a week later. This is the 1st PET I've had since June and I'll find out this coming Thursday, before treatment 9, what the results are, and if the cancer is all gone...I'll still have to finish chemo, but I don't think I'll have to do radiation. Radiation as I found out during my consult with my could-be radiation doctors, is a 15 minute procedure, 5 days a week, for 4 weeks. Good bye month of December =( IF that has to happen. But so anyway, the PET...another thing that makes me gag is when they flush my IV during treatment with saline solution, which is to make sure the blood doesn't clot in the IV. I can taste the saline in my mouth, and smell it too when they do this. GAG. Well, the radiation guy came in and flushed my IV, GAG, then injected me with the radioactive dye, then flushed me again. GAG. Well, except I've gotten past the gag stage at this point. Total pukage. Which, from the fast, was just water and stomach acid...yummers. Anyway, wait in dark room for an hour with warm blankets, then slide in and out of the camera tube for 25 minutes. That done, I set off in search of some coffee and to eat the fruit salad I had brought. Felt a little queasy as I ate...stomach was still a bit off I guess. Then I went up to the cancer center for my bloodwork. Held my nose through the lobby. Lost my cookies on the 5th floor. The smell was too much. I am going to wear a mask to treatment with some essential oils on it and hopefully that will help. Treatment I am discovering goes better if I keep my stomach full, so it's not just gargling with chemicals. I gave up that one diet for the thrush pretty quickly. If what sounds appealing after chemo is mac and cheese...mac and cheese it is.
But, aside from puking, my blood work looked good. My hemoglobin count had been getting low, and if it fell below 10, I would need another shot to fix it. 11.3 baby! I had a steak the night before, so that seemed to help I think.
Now, after treatment 7, I had an acupuncture appointment 3 days later, on Saturday. What wonders this did! I had no nausea at all, and felt like myself totally by Monday! Just wonderful. Treatment 8, I had acupuncture again on Saturday. I did not get the total recovery this time. I felt mentally much better, but physically was still pretty weak and was gagging a bit, just at random. Following that bout at the hospital on Thursday, I called my acupuncturist up and she was able to fit me in that afternoon. Now THAT was the stuff. No nausea at all...no gagging even when thinking about the things that make me sick. It's a beautiful thing.
So yah, the recovery is getting a little harder now, and even though I've completed 8 treatments, the last 4 seem like it will take forever. At the beginning I was like 12, psssh, I'll be through this in now time. Time has now started to crawl. I can't wait to be done with this and to go on to my normal life again, that isn't full of IV bags, radioactive dye, and feeling like crap half the time. The thought of having to press on for another month for radiation is super depressing, so I really hope I don't have to do it. If my PET comes back showing full resolution, I don't think I will have too. Keeping fingers and toes crossed =)
Come November 1st, Brandon and I will have been dating for 2 years, and I'll officially have been sick for half of our relationship. I know he's ready to move on from all this too.
Oh, as far as other side effects, the neuropathy in the fingers has changed from tingling to a little pain in the tips, and I think my right big toe has a discolored dark streak down it, I think from the chemo cause I don't remember dropping anything on it. Also, the chemo brain has actually improved from the first couple months...it's really not an issue any more, which is great. I am starting to loose my eyelashes and eyebrows a bit more, but with a small bit of effort from eyeliner, I'm able to fill in the gaps to nice effect. Also, nose hair is in short supply, so keeping tissues close by is a must, especially with sniffle season coming on.
I would like to wish all a happy start to Autumn and I'll check back with ya on here real soon, I promise...definitely with the PET results.
lots of love,
Emily
